Real Marriage by Mark and Grace Driscoll

Category: marriage and family; religion and spirituality
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Release Date: January 3, 2012
My Rating: 3 Stars


Most marriage books assume the author did it right. Most marriage books barely mention friendship. Most marriage books use “intimacy” as code for “sex.” This is not one of those books.

In Real Marriage, Pastor Mark Driscoll and his wife, Grace, share how they have struggled and how they have found healing through the power of the only reliable source: the Bible. They believe friendship is fundamental to marriage but not easy to maintain. So they offer practical advice on how to make your spouse your best friend – and keep it that way. And they know from experience that sex-related issues need to be addressed directly.

Five chapters are dedicated to answering questions like:

  • Should I confess my pre-marital sexual sin to my spouse?
  • Is it okay to have a “work spouse”?
  • What does the Bible say about masturbation and oral sex?

Stunningly honest and vulnerable, Real Marriage is like a personal counseling session with a couple you cannot surprise, you cannot shock into silence, who will respond to every question with wisdom, humility, and realism.

If you want to have a long-lasting, fulfilling marriage you should read this book. Wrestle with this book. Pray over this book. Share this book. And discover how God this book. Share this book. And discover how God can use it to change your life.


I wish that I had this book available to my husband and I when we were first married. I picked it up in order to counsel a friend who was struggling with medical issues.  These made her insecure and tired and she was avoiding sex at all costs.  This book confirmed scripture.

Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
— 1 Corinthians 7:5 ESV

Little did I know how much valuable information I would find in the book that was applicable to me...a VERY happily married pastors wife.


If you can't call a vagina a vagina and a penis a penis than this is definitely not the book for you! But, if you are looking for a biblical reference for those awkward sex questions and some good advice on sexual communication in marriage than this is the book.

The Driscoll's are uniquely positioned to write such a book...having experienced a difficult start to marriage; betrayal, sexual dysfunction and past abuse...simultaneously leading a large Christian ministry... the Driscoll's are real and tell it to you true.

There is some information in this book that is...well...scandalous and that I do not advocate, such as the use of sex toys, forms of cybersex, and the acceptance of sodomy within the marriage.  He has gone too far in these areas.  I still find that the general information that speaks to being real in communication within your marriage regarding sex is valuable.


This review was written prior to the very public revealing of ministerial mishandling by Driscoll. He resigned as pastor of Mars Hill Church in Seattle on October 14, 2014 and Mars Hill was subsequently removed from the Acts29 Network.  We are all sinners... I still stand by this review.

Mark and Grace Driscoll

Mark and Grace Driscoll

Grace Driscoll is a graduate of the Edward R. Murrow School of Communication, Washington State University, where she earned a BA in Public Relations. She delights in being a stay-at-home mom, where she and her husband, Mark, raise their three sons and two daughters.

Mark Driscoll is one of the 50 most influential pastors in America, and the founder of Mars Hill Church in Seattle (, the Paradox Theater, and the Acts 29 Network which has planted scores of churches. Mark is the author of The Radical Reformission: Reaching Out Without Selling Out. He speaks extensively around the country, has lectured at a number of seminaries, and has had wide media exposure ranging from NPR’s All Things Considered to the 700 Club, and from Leadership Journal to Mother Jones magazine. He’s a staff religion writer for the Seattle Times. Along with his wife and children, Mark lives in Seattle.